The past few months I've been doing a lot of thinking, mainly about child birth. I've unlearned to be afraid of it, but rather welcome it. I've mentally moved from, "when do I get my epidural?" to "bring in on!" au natural. We'll see how I perform on game day, I might end up seeking every pain killer in existence, who knows. I do know however, that I've done as much mental prep as I can, and that it this point in time, I feel calm and reassured about the whole process. I feel ready. I think.

But apart from visualizing the birth, I'm also trying to picture life with baby, including the fact that I will rarely be alone in the next few years. And even though I know Stef will be a present father and continue to be a considerate husband, ultimately, I'm in charge of this little one's well being. Sure, I'll have breaks, I'll get away for the odd workout or dinner with the girls, but I'll almost always be with Sadie or Sam.

So I'm trying now to see beyond the hospital and start imagining all the little ways my life will change. Birthing just lasts a day or two, motherhood is a lifetime.

I’m full term, I’m full term! When I think back to all those blood tests and medication and doctor’s appointments and ultrasounds, I can’t believe that we’re almost at our goal. A little baby. Delicate, human, tiny, in need of all the love we can provide. And the cool thing is the fact that he/she will look like myself and Stef! It’s very strange, when one stops and thinks about it. Almost science fiction, this mixing of DNA, this new creature that will emerge from my body. And then what? We’ve got +18 of parenting!

Sleeping is becoming more difficult. For example, right now it’s 2.38 am and I’m wide awake because I just am. Sometimes the baby wakes me up with a big kick, sometimes my stomach with a big gurgle. A lot of the pregnancy info I’ve read claims that by the end, you won’t feel the baby moving much, but I feel it all the time. Big dramatic movements which completely alter the shape of my belly. Often a heel or foot, not sure what body part, is sticking out the side, giving my stomach a lopsided look! All so bizarre. And of course wonderful. I’m feeling very lucky at the moment that I after all our struggles I was given the chance to have this amazing thing happen to me. To us.