The past few months I've been doing a lot of thinking, mainly about child birth. I've unlearned to be afraid of it, but rather welcome it. I've mentally moved from, "when do I get my epidural?" to "bring in on!" au natural. We'll see how I perform on game day, I might end up seeking every pain killer in existence, who knows. I do know however, that I've done as much mental prep as I can, and that it this point in time, I feel calm and reassured about the whole process. I feel ready. I think.

But apart from visualizing the birth, I'm also trying to picture life with baby, including the fact that I will rarely be alone in the next few years. And even though I know Stef will be a present father and continue to be a considerate husband, ultimately, I'm in charge of this little one's well being. Sure, I'll have breaks, I'll get away for the odd workout or dinner with the girls, but I'll almost always be with Sadie or Sam.

So I'm trying now to see beyond the hospital and start imagining all the little ways my life will change. Birthing just lasts a day or two, motherhood is a lifetime.

I’m full term, I’m full term! When I think back to all those blood tests and medication and doctor’s appointments and ultrasounds, I can’t believe that we’re almost at our goal. A little baby. Delicate, human, tiny, in need of all the love we can provide. And the cool thing is the fact that he/she will look like myself and Stef! It’s very strange, when one stops and thinks about it. Almost science fiction, this mixing of DNA, this new creature that will emerge from my body. And then what? We’ve got +18 of parenting!

Sleeping is becoming more difficult. For example, right now it’s 2.38 am and I’m wide awake because I just am. Sometimes the baby wakes me up with a big kick, sometimes my stomach with a big gurgle. A lot of the pregnancy info I’ve read claims that by the end, you won’t feel the baby moving much, but I feel it all the time. Big dramatic movements which completely alter the shape of my belly. Often a heel or foot, not sure what body part, is sticking out the side, giving my stomach a lopsided look! All so bizarre. And of course wonderful. I’m feeling very lucky at the moment that I after all our struggles I was given the chance to have this amazing thing happen to me. To us.

Week 36 and my body is starting to feel strained. Here's a list of my complaints, just for the record:

1. Sore feet, especially in the morning. They feel like little vienna sausages and my heels hurt to walk on. Generally feel better after I've walked around and shifted some of that pooled liquid.

2. Weird upper back and neck ache. Don't think it's a result of sleeping funny, as it doesn't feel tense in the mornings, but rather the evenings. I've tried putting a tennis ball between me and the wall to roll it out, but Stef's fingers seem to offer more relief.

3. Difficulty getting out of bed. All that extra weight makes things tricky. Also try to be careful not to twist in a way that could injure my back, rip my stomach muscles or hurt the baby! On top of this, attempt to do it all very quietly as to not wake up Stef who has to work early!

4. Swollen puffy eyes. I still have my vanity, what can I say. Also can't see my crotch, therefore can't shave my bikini line. Will have to try using a full length mirror or rely on Stef. Not sure how much I trust him though, think he's a bikini line virgin.

5. When the baby does his/her sun salutations. It's not really a complaint, more kinda freaky and exciting. I'm just afraid sometimes that he/she will break a rib or kick a hole through the membrane. Not sure if there's a case of any baby doing this anywhere, maybe I've just seen Aliens too many times.

6. Bending down to pick anything up off the floor, tying shoe laces. Uggs are my friends right now. I don't care if they accentuate my cankles.

7. Numb hands in the morning. This startled me at first, waking up with completely numb hands, but I've got used to it. It doesn't seem to make a difference what position I lie in, I still wake up with unusable digits.

8. Being a full on cry baby. I cry at the thought of my dog getting old and no longer being interested in playing with his annoying squeeky toys. I cry at the anything to do with birthing. Anything.

There you have it. I'm sure if I thought of it a bit more, I could come up with an even longer list, but hey, why dwell on the negative? I realize all my feelings and symptoms are not that different or unusual, but they certainly are different and unusual for me! I don't care how many billions of women have given birth throughout history, I never have!

I just waddled my ass up to the local elementary school to vote in the federal election. Of course I didn't vote for the Conservatives. I wonder if all those mothers out there on maternity leave who voted for Harper realize they have the Liberals to thank for their full year leave? It's been over ten years now since Paul Martin and his Liberal majority government passed legislation that changed maternity leave from 6 months to a year. This would've never happened with a Conservative in power.

Of course there are still problems maternity leave in Canada. The fact that we only receive %55 of a maximum $40,000 salary should be reviewed. Salaries have gone up since the legislation passed. It also seems there's a underlying sexist attitude that assumes that this %55 is a sufficient amount because in the majority of households the father is the primary breadwinner. In many cases, this simply isn't true. But even with these shortcomings, maternity leave is a hell of a lot better than it used to be. Can you imagine leaving your little tot after only six months in order to secure your job? No more breast milk for them! No more mid morning cuddles or watching them learn how to crawl! It's going to be hard enough to leave them after a year!

And by the way, I didn't vote Liberal either.

Bright and early, I went for my ultrasound at 9. Or should I say "we", as I grabbed Stef from work on my way. Of course I was a little apprehensive about it. My driving, in fact, sucked. Stef made sure to point that out.

As usual, we made sure to tell the ultrasound technician that we did not know the sex, nor did we want it revealed today. She was nice. And forthcoming with information, she told us exactly what we wanted to hear - that our baby wasn't a runt! With plenty of amniotic fluid to pad her/his little body to boot! Thank the baby gods!

But I have to say, I really wasn't that nervous because this past week I really feel like I've grown. Or should I say "he/she" has grown because according to all I've read, it is the baby packing on the pounds at this point, not me. In celebration I dropped Stef off back at work, went for a hearty jaunt in Stanley Park, then ate a big greasy breakfast, followed by a chocolate cupcake.